You are viewing fatalpoisons

30 November 2011 @ 08:16 pm
I hate to be the one that's gotta ask, but anyone know how long til we get to our next stop? What I wouldn't give for a nice bath and a cold drink. This warm water we got's better on my throat than nothing, but something cold would be so much better. And a good night's sleep. Dragons, what I wouldn't give for a good night's sleep. The one good thing about being laid up for so long was that I had the best bed I've ever slept in. I miss that bed.
Current Mood: uncomfortableuncomfortable
09 November 2011 @ 08:24 pm
[Filter: Darin's Caravan]

Thanks for a great birthday everyone, even if it wasn't much with us being out in the middle of nowhere. I couldn't ask for better friends. I can't believe I'm 30. Where'd all the time go? Next thing you know I'm going to start getting grey hairs.
Current Mood: old
23 October 2011 @ 10:34 pm
[Filter: Private]

I can't keep this up. I can't eat or drink a damn thing without remembering that feeling. Even the thought of alcohol makes me want to vomit. I haven't slept well in weeks.

Everywhere I go I'm surrounded by death. Why can't I just have a normal life? I put that ugly life behind me. I'm done with the business for good. I don't want to kill anymore. I just want to live. I just want to be with my Casey and not be scared anymore. I want to stop worrying about my past catching up to me yet again. I'm done with assassinations, and secrets, and having enemies.

Now I got this damn voice to remind me of all my mistakes for the rest of my life.

[Filter: Public]

Went to the house of healing today to see if there's anything they could do about my voice. They said there's too much scarring and it's as good as it's ever gonna get. The pain'll go away soon enough, but I'll never get my voice back the way it was. Kept telling me how lucky I was that my voice is all that's wrong with me, and that I shouldn't worry about it. I wish people would stop telling me that. There's some things I just don't want to be reminded about.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
14 October 2011 @ 12:00 am
[Filter: Private]

He's sweet. He really is. There aren't many other men that would go out of their way to make their daughter's girlfriend feel better about themselves like that. I wish I could believe my voice would get better, and along with everything else return to normal, but I'd be fooling myself. I know what that poison does to people, even in small doses. My voice should be the least of my worries. I should be dead. If it wasn't for Casey I'm sure I would be. I got sloppy, I let my guard down, and now I have to pay the price.

I owe her my life. That means I should be able to trust her with anything, right? I should be able to trust both of them. So, then who did it if not Casey or Darin. It has to have been Brett. Why else would she just disappear? She wouldn't have just fallen overboard, but if she jumped to get away there's no way she could have survived. Unless that's exactly what she wants us to think. What if she comes back to finish what she started? Will I be too damn drunk to notice? Is it too much to hope she realized I'm not the person she thought I was?

[Filter: Casey]

I love you.

I never thought I'd ever tell anyone that. Outside of my family that is. Yet here I am, completely and utterly in love with my boss's daughter. I don't know what I'd do without you. I owe my life to you. I don't know what I'd do without you. I sure as hell wouldn't be here now.

So, thanks. For being you. For caring about me. For being the first person I could trust in as long as I can remember.

For everything.
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
20 September 2011 @ 01:54 am
[handwriting is extremely weak and shaky]


could use some water on your way back
Current Mood: thirstythirsty
17 August 2011 @ 12:01 am
yOu had ba- better be redy to apere- appara- appreciate all ev erything I'm gonna do to you tonight BiRthdaY Girl~ there's gona be morree presents lattre. If you if you knew what i Men

You can bet on it

I am sho dru-nk rite noW
Current Mood: drunkdrunk
15 August 2011 @ 08:13 pm
[Filter: Private]

[handwriting is shaky and uneven]

Why can't I put all this behind me? Why does this have to keep happening? If only we could have gotten on a boat as soon as we arrived. No one was following us. I made sure of it. Either they got here long after we did, or Casey's right and it was one of the other crew members. At least none of them got on the boat with us. No one's left but us, but why don't I feel safe yet?

It's a mistake. All this time they think I'm something I'm not. That's the only explanation. It's not going to stop until I'm dead unless I can catch them first. I'll catch them and convince them they're wrong. I have to stop it. I can't let this keep happening.
Current Mood: scaredscared
09 August 2011 @ 10:42 pm
You're never going to guess what I saw down by the docks today. Captain Jack's got a big gaping hole in the side of his ship, and a bunch of carpenters around trying to patch it up. Something tells me it's not going to be ready to leave as planned.

Guess we're just going to have to take a few more days of relaxation~
Current Mood: amusedamused
31 July 2011 @ 05:25 pm
[Filter: Private]

There's no one following us. With how windy it's been, and how much dust is being kicked up, there's hardly anyone else on the roads. The heat is almost suffocating, but that's just another reason I shouldn't be worrying about all this. If someone were following us I would have seen it by now.

I guess it's possible they could be several miles back, just out of sight, but they'd have to be damn good trackers or know exactly where we're going. Unless there's more than one of them, and they got a scout checking up on us at night. There's always that possibility.

I should sneak out tonight and do some scouting of my own. If someone's on the road with us I should be able to find them easily enough. Just need to sneak out without anyone else finding out about it. It shouldn't be too hard, except with Casey maybe. That girl's more alert than I used to give her credit for. It's hard to get anything past her.

I'll figure something out.
Current Mood: paranoid
25 July 2011 @ 08:46 pm
I can't believe we got all that done already. That has to be some kind of record. Do they keep records for packing up a caravan? If not they should. All these long days have been killing me. I'm going to sleep like a rock tonight... even if it's on a rock. Knowing our luck lately that's exactly all we're going to have to sleep on.

And now that we're gone I have this awful feeling there's something we missed or forgot about or left there. There has to be. It's driving me crazy. I'm crazy right, please tell me I'm crazy.
Current Mood: exhaustedexhausted